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Saturday, June 2, 2012

Ah yes... my previous life

In trying to gather bead-related info from some very old blog posts of mine, I ran across this entry... totally not bead-related, but sure brought back memories.  This was actually pretty close to a typical day in the life (for 12 years)...

Tuesday, 01-03-06

Got up at 4:30 'cause DH was snoring.

Drank coffee in 3-second intervals 'cause one of the cats was having a puke-fest and the game was for me to find it before anyone steps in it.

Had to drag the dog outside for a pee (he's afraid of the rain) but I couldn't find any appropriate shoes so stood out there (in the rain) with white ankle socks and high-heeled dress shoes until the dog "performed".

Remade one of the lunches 'cause while I was outside with the dog one of the cats stole Gabe's lunch sandwich (I'm sure I'll find the remains of that within the week).

Got ready for my "relaxing time" in front of the computer (since I'd gotten up so early, surely I deserved some DOWN time) but instead found ants all over the keyboard and computer desk so spent 20 minutes removing everything from there and wiping it down then explaining to them that rain or no rain, this is MY house not theirs.

But the spray I used on the ants made me sneeze and my sneeze scared the cats and when the cats get scared they jump up in any direction, and apparently one of them wasn't too graceful and in his panic to escape my sneeze he knocked over a box of beads and jewelry.

I had to leave that mess for later 'cause it was getting to be time to get the kids up.

Oh great, they both suddenly REMEMBERED they both have homework due today.

It was agreed that I'd do Monica's typing if she'd do the recycling 'cause I type faster than she does and I could already hear the garbage truck on the next street over.

Then Gabe couldn't get his pen to work, but it HAD to be THAT pen 'cause that's what he started his homework with and he'd get a lower grade if he switched pens in the middle (sometimes I feel I should get confirmation of the stories I hear).

So I showed Gabe how to disassemble the pen and tap it to get the ink going, and then he cried 'cause when he went to re-assemble the pen he couldn't find one of the pieces and admitted he was using his sister's pen when she had specifically forbade him and now she was going to kill him.

Before I could come up with a wise and comforting response, I remembered I'm suppose to feed these kids before school so I alternated the appliances between the one electric socket they all share, reminding Gabe that if he got syrup on my beads ONE MORE TIME we'd have discipline issues to discuss.

Then I realized I'd better not leave the house without eating something myself, so I opened a can of tuna and grabbed a plastic fork.

Dang we were supposed to leave 10 mins ago and NO ONE eats in the new car so I carry my tuna upstairs and eat while combing my hair.

But while I'm in the bathroom I notice that the bottom of the bathtub is black which reminded me what I was supposed to remember last night, which was that I was supposed to clean the tub after it drained after my shower 'cause I dyed my hair but the tub takes 60 minutes to drain and I guess for some BIZARRE reason I got sidetracked last night (can you imagine??? Me, getting sidetracked?) so I'll try to remember to get some bleach on the way home so I can y'know... return the bathtub to it's normal color... sigh...

I continued combing my hair and doing my best to make sure the hairs falling copiously out of my head land closer to the garbage than to my can of tuna...

Somehow we make it into the car with only 3 return trips into the house for things the kids forgot.

I back down the driveway and Gabe says, "Blackie was under our tires."

Luckily, I see that the feral is faster at avoiding being run over than Gabe is at telling me about cats under my car and scooted out of the way; I reminded Gabe to next time tell me BEFORE I back down the driveway.

"You both got your gym clothes?" I ask, but the words were barely out of my mouth before I reprimanded myself for asking. After all, was I willing to go back? No. Then why even ask? Why set myself up for the grief…er, I mean knowledge that my kids were going to get a P.E. cut for not having their gym clothes today. I mean, it's not like they had two weeks to think about what they'd need to take to school with them on January 3rd. Oh wait… that's precisely what it's like. D'oh!

Mon thinks she doesn't have her shorts with her. Crap!

But wait, Gabe has an extra pair in his backpack. "You don't mind if they're dirty, do you?"

Mon responds, "Of course not."

I'm wondering if I get a vote in that.

Halfway to school Gabe does his usual, "Oh shoot!" (The definition for that is: I think I forgot something really important that I'll need today at school.)

He then spends the rest of the 15-minute drive taking EVERYTHING out of his backpack (which seems at this point like the bottomless pit of scribbled-on scraps of paper).

He finds "it"… whatever "it" was… a few seconds after pulling into the school driveway. "Mom, you needed to sign this before winter break," he says while handing me a pen.

He then asks how I can sign my name while staring straight at him.

Kissy kissy and reminders of tonight's schedule.

Now it's just me and my car, heading to the office.

And people wonder why I sometimes LIKE to go to work.

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