Some people say
you can’t change, but I disagree.
I think there are
two ways to change.
I think it’s
possible to change by working on yourself, slowly and steadily. I’m a great believer in the neuroplasticity
of our brains and their ability for us to re-condition learned behavior. I didn’t say it’s easy, just possible.
I also believe in
“aha” moments that change us. I believe
in them because I’ve had them and they did profoundly and permanently change
me. Well, my experiences themselves weren't profound; I merely mean they really had an effect on me and
since I think change is NOT the path of least resistance, I’m impressed when it
happens.
One “aha”
moment that made a permanent change in me was very much like an anecdote I read
in Reader’s Digest when I was about twelve years old. In the story, a man was riding a public
transportation bus and his two kids were being kind of wild and disruptive. Another passenger snapped at the man saying
something like, “Can’t you keep control of your kids? They’re driving everyone nuts!” The man looked startled and almost bewildered, like he
was coming out of a dream as he began to apologize to the other man and the nearby
passengers. “I’m so sorry, “he
said. “We’ve just come from the
hospital. Their mother just died and I
guess I don’t really know how to handle the situation yet. Again, my apologies.” Needless to say, the complaining man felt a
little… small… and ashamed… and suddenly felt great empathy for the widower and
his sons.
Although it's something that really happened, it didn't happen TO ME and I think EXPERIENCING an event has more impact than reading about someone else's event. My own, less
dramatic story, did.
I went to pick up
my four-year old son from day care one day and I could hear commotion in the
next room. It was one of the
baby/toddlers and she was fussing at Gabe, I could tell. As I rounded the corner I was already
chastising him. “Gabe! What are you doing to Sophie! You’d better come here this instant.”
He did come, a few
seconds later, and said, “Sophie was crawling up the stairs and she’s not
allowed to so I held her back and she didn’t like that.”
Oh my gosh, I was
mortified. I’d yelled at my son for
trying to protect a baby from harm.
Gah! What kind of mother am I?!
But it served as a
wake up call to try to remember that I don’t ever know what’s going on in
someone’s head or life. Actions and
behavior, even words, may not always be what they appear to be, so I try not to
snap to judgment or assume I always know what’s going on, and I try give people
and situations the benefit of the doubt.
